closing curtain

to friends i haven't met but actively chatted with, fyi i am closing this blog due to certain reasons.

i cherish all the talks and blahs about what we've been through.

of course, typically me everything sounds complicated when it's about my past.

find me at live msn: yoyopippers@live.com.my

someday goodbye will be farewell

http://lildisturbed.blogspot.com/ are you ready? hehe..

this blog will not be updated anymore, so feel free to delete the link in your blog or erase from your memory.time to move on.

at the sushi bar

its time for oyster dip and 4 types of sauce were on the table.

1 of them contain alcohol.

we had this buffet dinner in a hotel in KL.

a friend of mine said eagerly, "don't take it." , pointing at the sauce.

well i know i won't anymore.

what was really amazing, she didn't have to go through the hell i did for her to not take it.

because it's not about that 0.00005% alcohol. it's about what will happen after that.

and i started to think,hell this is one true strong lady.

"Yang hanya merujuk kepada diri sendiri---bersikap riak dan takbur. Di manakah cerita tentang Rasulullah? Di manakah cerita tentang Pencipta walau sedikit pun ruangnya?

if you are wondering what im talking about, it is Al-Kulliyah sayings on blogging activity today.

ak-ow.

Unregister, Undo,Unsubscribe,,

tonight i have finally deleted my purplelab profile.

i still have to log in to do that, and saw things that i have seen before.

it looks the same. commitment to something that the truth has deeply understood.

it's time to let go.

maybe next --> facebook.

good luck to me.

silence

26 years of my life has been history that i feel belong to somebody else.

im not quite sure whether i know who i am anymore, are we being sent on earth to wonder who we are? is that really important?

big B, i thought i knew back then, but i was wrong, and what about now? have i forgotten that learning is a life long process? and have i forgotten the person and the things matter most in life are those you spent your time less with. siting and waiting for you.the ones you have spent most of your time spent the less time when your life almost bid farewell.

it's nobody's fault but it's a sign.

devil and angel is not out there, it is always here, hanging in your thoughts. they do exist because YOU exist. duality is the world we're living in. of course.

right and left.
night and day.
fast and slow.
hot and cold.
light and dark.

Eker have said it.

and we'll walk slowly to the end of the tunnel, with our hands tied to our back...heads down. maybe then we'll know what we should have done. BETTER.

the end.

Im proud to say that...

when the clock strikes 12 on the 1st of January 2010:


I'VE BEEN ABLE TO STAY SINGLE FOR THE WHOLE YEAR OF 2009!!!!!!!!

terms & conditions:
1) kiss doesn't count
2) less than 2 months relationship doesn't count
3) flirting doesn't count
4) imagination doesn't count
5) loving yourself doesn't count
6) owh wtf,anything as long as it doesn't feel like a RELATIONSHITEY!it doesn't count!!!

do i wanna stay on?

It's over

but it's okay.

save me from 'H'

heartache and headache.

im ready for so many things,just surrender your

E
G
O

babe.

wita is sleeping.

have you ever sat in front of your laptop and thought you had done a lot of things when seriously, you have not moved closer to even 6.5metres away from your seat for hours.

i don't know bout you but i feel weird.

why am i doing this to myself when i can actually start my car and visit old friends, actually attend an event or even sit and sip coffee with my girlfriends that i am already comfortable with, effortlessly.

tonight i'm gonna sit here and wait for ferrah perryd to show up. not cool.

i wanna watch moulin rouge and cry like somebody just died but i don't wanna show up at work with swollen eyes. in the meantime.i wanna hit somebody so hard, that it hurt and laugh till sore.sad evil and happy at the same time.i tell you human are greedy.damn im a greedy human being.

politics in homosexual

ah.not again.politics.even in our sexual orientation?

gtalk-ing to a friend one fine afternoon. i should have worked at that moment but somehow she got my attention (see,that's why!!)

this friend T was into this installment/14 days exhibition of lbgtiq thingy and worked with a friend,M. even if T had been in bed with a woman one thing for sure T is not even gay. i don't know whether she would do the right commotion for one.i am really worried,lol.i really do.

so she was telling M that one time she did with Y. M started to think something (not quite sure it's good or bad), because Y was at this event and was quite close to M that night. T told Y about this and say no way Y, your politics are so different from M! Y was like wtf??! since when I'm politicking my sexual orientation goodness!!T was telling why not.you have a blog and open about your gayness (well she's not the only one) and M is just different and I think, Y, you won't get along. T told Y that she should broaden her politic definition regards to her blogging activity.


owh man this is what happen when an attacker try to be a defender. opponent gets a penalty.

bloody jam makes me a cold person!

Phone ringing.owh F.

F: hiiiii.......do you miss me?

(sambil jenguk keta depan nie nak pergi kanan ke tak nak,handphone terkepit kat telinga kanan sebesar baling kat anjing boleh mati,tangan kiri kena tukar gear,bas belah kiri pulak sikit lagi nak langgar.aaaaaaarrggghhh!!!!!!)

me: NO I DON'TTTTT!I'll call u back i'm stuck in this bloody trafffiiccc!

selamba je.tapi itu ikhlas. time2 gitu xsempat nak rindu2 betul tak. nasib baik tiada pergaduhan berikutan kejadian tersebut.

The new box has a name.

And her name is Ferrah Perryd.

kiss OFF

I take one one one cause you left me and
two two two for my family and
3 3 3 for my heartache and
4 4 4 for my headaches and
5 5 5 for my loneliness and
6 6 6 for my sorrow and
7 7 for no no no tomorrow and
8 8 I forget what 8 was for and
9 9 9 for a lost god and
10 10 10 10 for everything everything everything everything
you can all just kiss off into the air

the inconvenient truth.

Raya is one of the inconvenient events that i can remember.

Lame reason, I have to wear baju kurung, and mms. even if i din want to sooner or later i would be asked to switch camera.

I would compliment her, out of habbit, she would say the same in return.

To kiss the hands that I love and say selamat hari raya,maaf zahir dan batin every single year.

I know I won't change that much or nearly nil.

Top of all I am still ok with it.

Selamat Hari Raya everybody!!!

and to those who doesn't celebrate, have a nice holiday!

cheers, stay stoned.

girl loves girl.

agak susah nak online in public spaces.

besar sangat label nie. tapi tak nak buang.

biar ah!

i have to memorize this so i'll know what to say to mother in case she really finds out.

ma : Who did this to you??!

me : I haven't caught a disease mom, i'm just gay. like i have brown hair.

ma : First! you stop coming to mosque. Now you're up to your neck in sin!

me : It's not a sin!mom i never killed or stolen? and mom i'm trying not to lie to you!

ma : It's a HUGE sin!

me : According to who?!

ma : According to GOD!!!

me : What kind of a God is that?I can't accept it!!

ma : Then you will burn.in.hell!

ada berani?hehehe..



a scene from i can't think straight (yes that's why it sounds so familiar)

how i wish there were more Apples

I knew Apple for more than 2 years now. I was called to write in order to remember the old days where I did not have any friends for emotional support and just accept that i am still human and choosing a meal does not influenced by my sexual orientation.

of course la nobody support, i didn't even tell anybody i had a brutal crush on a girl.lol.

bagus jugak i didn't because at that time we were underage.

finally when M and I went separate ways, my rock and roll friend had this idea to work in Langkawi because hating that comfortable environment she's having in KL. i took that opportunity to run away from memory of M. so we packed our bags and went.

So, in Langkawi I met Apple. It's well known, in lkw most of em are not lkw-ian. most of em are from mainland and...it surprised me to find that most of em were there for almost the same reason as mine (not just the one cases plu, it also includes other big 'drama' in the world)

I got very close to Apple and only few months later she told me why she was there in the first place. it's very bad, i was in disbelief. well of course at that time, she hasn't heard mine but i couldn't lie to her face any longer. it didn't feel right. we even shower together. and so i spilled and we laughed and laughed. OMG are there more of us here?? she didn't freak out, she listened. i think from what she has been through, my case is just another, only different. we sighed at all drops of pins onto us..once in a while she would ask about being one, some are even funny.i just answered, to me i was glad she asked. we are friends until today, when we're back here in hell, KL.

so all friends who accept this certain traits are just born with, thanks for being there:

ek*inibi

al*k

n*jua

k*tik

m*i nu*rul h*da

mas*o

po*dien

n*nu

han*

thil*ga

fio*a

ikh*an

sy*k

cha*p

azr*en

no*n

a*da

su*ia

c*a2

w*ta

za*mel

h*da

haf*z

fa*in

tay*i

y*en

har*y

ro*ie

c*kam

sh*frin

di*ana

a*ie

a*da

z*za

g*

ti*a

me*na

na*

wa*ren

is*ail

sy*z

sher*l

s*ti

and the latest n*r.

nie saja yg bole ingat setakat ini.

stay stoned!

why people say i sound and look younger than my real age.

poyo nya!hehe.

maybe (cis nak jawab jugak.heheee..) because i still wanna live in the past.

i could slow my pace and be nearer to the time where what i 'wanted' became 'have and gotten.'

bla bla bla...
i still say your name, i still have that box filled with your letters, the lil notes, the cds, the cards, the toys, that coded letters weren't we just brilliant (in school.long story, avoid from getting caught)

some has turned yellow, but i still keep it.

i hope somewhere in your room, be it under your bed in a corner and dusty. you still have my letters, my lil notes with bad handwriting, the cds with the songs to show how i was in love with you but keeping it cool (inside i was dying!), the cards that so expensive i bought from hallmark just because i don't know how to make a pop up card like you do, the soft toys actually i got from winning at funfair during family vacation but you don't mind, that coded letter, and other things bla bla bla...

but forgive me sweetheart, deep inside i really need a new box to fill. then i might need your space for that new box because enough is enough of you filling up my spaces. but i still not know how could i clear you from my mind because it's not something i can google to.

so why do i sound and look younger than my age? because i'm still keeping the boxxx!

stay stoned.goooood niiiiiteeeeee!!!!!!!!!

facebook.duh.

i have a facebook i do.

Ms M just created her profile when she finished study. and i was in her friend list. lucky new and old boyfriend are not.

FRIEND list. FRIENDD--uh.

i do check her out once in a while. ok wth. i check her out everytime.

it's not a sign that i haven't moved on. i have.i really have.

i even start thinking of dating, but nothing comes up. not yet.

*nervous*