almost-PurpleLab

dear ,

lost & delirious?forever searching?lol.

if i were to have a website providing support for the one people in malaysia, this website made my dream almost come true.

but the thing is, once you have registered you will receive a notification in your email inbox, which tells ya your registration will not be approved immediately, but within 72 hrs.

so. i will update within 72hrs too then!

goodnite all,stay stoned & cheers.

my humble research

dari sekolah dulu i wish there's a place i can run to after school to ask what is this all about??why sudden change?how did this happen to me?what should i do?pretty sure,i was scared. owh my god am i a ........??erhhhh...

but i have no idea. mana?i felt at that time if i go to ustaz,im sure d whole school will know in a month.im not sayin ustaz or ustazah jahat.im just saying, ustaz pun manusia jugak..nanti terkejut dengar anak murid dia yang datang confront nie. or maybe i was afraid that i wud hear "berdosa ni nak.." no no no!bukan itu yang saya nak dengar. owh by the way i was studying in a boarding school. so the community was.... eherm,islamic.well that is what people call it.


i wanted to do a research and hope that my blog reach to those especially young adult and teenagers to find comfort and understanding. no i will not call it counseling, support group for homosexual who wants to change, it is not a crime, it is not a choice.


i am surprise to find this while i'm looking for the one shelter/support group corner.

http://www.glapn.org/sodomylaws/world/malaysia/mynews025.htm

homosexual is a crime worst than murder!!!!!

seriously?!

im gona talk to a friend who might point me to the right place to seek.

hold.stay stoned.

nite , cheers.

how i, should have handled the case/ apa yang sepatutnya dilakukan

kalau masa bole ditarik2 dan lajukan, alangkahnya bagus.tak payah langkah berjaga2.tapi kalau buat keputusan yang salah kena demerit and boleh betulkan balik.macam spider solitaire tuu...

anyways.

im greatful for wat i had, wat im having, who i was, i am and be.but if i could turn back time, i would have done everything differently. to me, being one comes from different psychological background, and reason.

1) lost their father at young age.
2) growing up rather difficult with brother(s) -for girls
3) being too pampered by parents -for boys.
4) sexual abuse - boys and girls
5) biological

i wanted to say broken home because it seems that it always leads to self unfortunate but no, i haven't met anybody that has this entity. so far.

and the list goes on. anybody happen to read this, please bear in mind that watever written does not come from any famous psychologist or spokeperson, doctors,government & etc.

it's pure experience of mine, my mind and soul of years experiencing this state of affair.

so. my problem was not only that i already had a problem, but how i encountered it. being somehow a 'nancy boy' wen i was young i thought i could handled everything by myself. i admit that i have faced a high level of self denial, social destruction, lack of concentration & passion in academics in my long teenage years.

used to lose some back then now i'm living my mid 20s reclaiming wat i have missed. i gain more friends and accumulate meaningful friendships, playing underground music, drink,smoke and try as hard to be a discipline staff. i am not thinking bout marriage because it seems so fast. more friends sending wedding invitation but yet i have no budge on that.honestly.


sometimes it's heartbreaking to know that nobody but myself know how i can't change. i think because love and lust just can't live without each other. i would cut my finger for those opposing to this.

it's getting late and tomorrow's monday. that means work my friends and i need to sleep!!goodnite and stay stoned.


cheers.

the next tanggapan

ada org beranggapan situasi macam nie disebut as tabiat,perangai and sebab terpengaruh. memang susah bagi sesetengah golongan utk faham.yelah, setiap org dilahirkan berbeza. kadang2 ada yang cakap jangan bagi chance kt org mcm nie.or semua excuse,kalau nk jadi straight memang boleh,report je kat guru besar.yg paling best golongan dilaknat.senang cakap kan.memang senang dari keadaan sebenar.these people will not understand. sometimes i feel blessed that God showed me something that some cant see.i have grown to be a better person.


sewaktu kita lahir di dunia nie takda sapa sangka he or she will turn out to be in love with the same sex. malah tak ada sapa pun ajar.but slowly, somewhere, we heard about it and get the rough idea.i do think that family background, biology, experience and other unspeakable things happening at the same time comes down to this topic. when i first found out that i am one, i thought ditakdirkan.tapi setiap yang ditakdirkan datang dari arah2 berlainan.macam apa yang disebut tadi.sebenarnya.

sesetengah pihak nak 'membanteras' , 'mengawal','menghentikan'.macamana encik.....?tolongla bagitau even i wud not know how!!of course, tangkap la jawapannya kan?hukum.senang cerita.perasaan org macam nie xpayah amek tahu.

aku bukan nak meraih sokongan, tapi fahaman dan kurangkan keganasan terhadap golongan nie.diorang xganas pun.diorg xda perasaan pun nak rogol sesiapa.kalau ada, maybe phidophelia or rapist(this is another topic yea,hope you won't get confused).tapi macam api, bila disimbah minyak mula la jadi besar.bukan minyak telon.sometimes perasaan nak menegakkan apa yg dilalui tu membara.


tak pernah ada lagi local media, setakat yang aku baca, memberi gambaran sebenar tentang keadaan nie. mungkin rata-rata penulis malaysia bukan salah sorang x-men kot.nanti paper xlaku ataupun kena warning dgn pihak atasan!baik ikut jelah, be on d safe side.jadi manusia.akibatnya, xda apa pun tentang manusia yang berubah.


so for those young people, students, teenagers, girls, boys, men, women who juz realized that they are 1, do not panic. you are not alone. distract yourself. talk to people. the RIGHT people. you don't have somebody to talk to?you have to believe in yourself for a minute now. seriously, u have nobody to talk to I won't force you to find 1. go watch L word if you have to.if that can save you from depression. have some laugh. wen ure sane, come back 2 urself and figure it out. balance it.

I will come back with few things. just stay stoned.

salah satu atau salah semua?

lama jugak aku pikir apa nak namakan blog nie. termenung screen sampai mata pun naik runsing. at last aku fikir be honest je lah.sampai bila lagi nak hide in the closet? this is the time.

aku kira 'newbie' bab blog. banyak yang menarik aku baca. pasal travelling, fashion, politic, dan apa - apa jenis -ism dibelakangnya. ada yang sampai aku rasa termasuk dalam otak penulis. tak kisahlah ada yang mengaku drug user, rasa life memang fucked up gile, semua org xfaham. tp pelik, rata - rata tengok semua orang ada kawan kan??semua orang nampak happy?semua cantik dan bijak belaka.hmm.

okay aku ada vision or matlamat utk blog nie. i hope sewaktu aku umur 14 dulu i know where i could turn to wen i juz found out that i was crazily, genuinely fallen in love with this girl. i know that perkataan genuine dah start diverge a lot of minds..but its okay.i had enough. because terlalu memikirkan yang buat aku terus jatuh dan lost dan hampir bunuh diri dulu. tahun 1998 malaysia host sukan commonwealth,anuar kena tangkap dsb sorry aku xtau lagi apa yang berlaku time tu i was caught up with myself.



aku sebenarnya agak terganggu dengan sesetengah tanggapan, bak kata ex girlfriend aku (sekarang nie dah ex, we'll get there soon, stay tune:)) aku nie memang SUKA buat assumption sendiri. but this time i know i must be right at least 35%. don't ask me how i come out with that figure, i have no bloody idea. tapi lebih kurang la kira. aku sesak dengan gambaran a girl loves girl.

story 1:
a girl was born.went to school.met a girl.the girl.butterfly in her stomach.can't concentrate.have to tell her.have to tell her.im gonna die.confused.

story 2:
a girl was born.went to school.had a boyfriend.excellent.received a letter.soulmate.fall for her.fall for her.confused.


my friends, how the word which label these two girls become so branding?

i hate that word. because the way it sounds. because what people would think.

1) 2 girls in nightdress on each other, groping and moaning oh so loudly (xpayah bising pun xpa sebenarnya kan?but suka hatila)

2) or it can be 3,4 or 5 girls at a time milking each other and be rather horny in front of a fridge (woops kantoi) but i've seen it yes.

3) all sex sex sex.is it correct to call it sex?no.fantasy.

boleh x continue the next tanggapan in next blog?ngantuk la plak.esok nak keja.haih kehidupan:)

stay stoned.nites.muahs.