the inconvenient truth.

Raya is one of the inconvenient events that i can remember.

Lame reason, I have to wear baju kurung, and mms. even if i din want to sooner or later i would be asked to switch camera.

I would compliment her, out of habbit, she would say the same in return.

To kiss the hands that I love and say selamat hari raya,maaf zahir dan batin every single year.

I know I won't change that much or nearly nil.

Top of all I am still ok with it.

Selamat Hari Raya everybody!!!

and to those who doesn't celebrate, have a nice holiday!

cheers, stay stoned.

girl loves girl.

agak susah nak online in public spaces.

besar sangat label nie. tapi tak nak buang.

biar ah!

i have to memorize this so i'll know what to say to mother in case she really finds out.

ma : Who did this to you??!

me : I haven't caught a disease mom, i'm just gay. like i have brown hair.

ma : First! you stop coming to mosque. Now you're up to your neck in sin!

me : It's not a sin!mom i never killed or stolen? and mom i'm trying not to lie to you!

ma : It's a HUGE sin!

me : According to who?!

ma : According to GOD!!!

me : What kind of a God is that?I can't accept it!!

ma : Then you will burn.in.hell!

ada berani?hehehe..



a scene from i can't think straight (yes that's why it sounds so familiar)

how i wish there were more Apples

I knew Apple for more than 2 years now. I was called to write in order to remember the old days where I did not have any friends for emotional support and just accept that i am still human and choosing a meal does not influenced by my sexual orientation.

of course la nobody support, i didn't even tell anybody i had a brutal crush on a girl.lol.

bagus jugak i didn't because at that time we were underage.

finally when M and I went separate ways, my rock and roll friend had this idea to work in Langkawi because hating that comfortable environment she's having in KL. i took that opportunity to run away from memory of M. so we packed our bags and went.

So, in Langkawi I met Apple. It's well known, in lkw most of em are not lkw-ian. most of em are from mainland and...it surprised me to find that most of em were there for almost the same reason as mine (not just the one cases plu, it also includes other big 'drama' in the world)

I got very close to Apple and only few months later she told me why she was there in the first place. it's very bad, i was in disbelief. well of course at that time, she hasn't heard mine but i couldn't lie to her face any longer. it didn't feel right. we even shower together. and so i spilled and we laughed and laughed. OMG are there more of us here?? she didn't freak out, she listened. i think from what she has been through, my case is just another, only different. we sighed at all drops of pins onto us..once in a while she would ask about being one, some are even funny.i just answered, to me i was glad she asked. we are friends until today, when we're back here in hell, KL.

so all friends who accept this certain traits are just born with, thanks for being there:

ek*inibi

al*k

n*jua

k*tik

m*i nu*rul h*da

mas*o

po*dien

n*nu

han*

thil*ga

fio*a

ikh*an

sy*k

cha*p

azr*en

no*n

a*da

su*ia

c*a2

w*ta

za*mel

h*da

haf*z

fa*in

tay*i

y*en

har*y

ro*ie

c*kam

sh*frin

di*ana

a*ie

a*da

z*za

g*

ti*a

me*na

na*

wa*ren

is*ail

sy*z

sher*l

s*ti

and the latest n*r.

nie saja yg bole ingat setakat ini.

stay stoned!

why people say i sound and look younger than my real age.

poyo nya!hehe.

maybe (cis nak jawab jugak.heheee..) because i still wanna live in the past.

i could slow my pace and be nearer to the time where what i 'wanted' became 'have and gotten.'

bla bla bla...
i still say your name, i still have that box filled with your letters, the lil notes, the cds, the cards, the toys, that coded letters weren't we just brilliant (in school.long story, avoid from getting caught)

some has turned yellow, but i still keep it.

i hope somewhere in your room, be it under your bed in a corner and dusty. you still have my letters, my lil notes with bad handwriting, the cds with the songs to show how i was in love with you but keeping it cool (inside i was dying!), the cards that so expensive i bought from hallmark just because i don't know how to make a pop up card like you do, the soft toys actually i got from winning at funfair during family vacation but you don't mind, that coded letter, and other things bla bla bla...

but forgive me sweetheart, deep inside i really need a new box to fill. then i might need your space for that new box because enough is enough of you filling up my spaces. but i still not know how could i clear you from my mind because it's not something i can google to.

so why do i sound and look younger than my age? because i'm still keeping the boxxx!

stay stoned.goooood niiiiiteeeeee!!!!!!!!!